Reflections

So my lovely coach you asked me to do a piece on reflection, I was meant to do it last time but got side-tracked by happiness, so here is the piece I was meant to do!

I really find this a difficult thing to do, oh I can look back and say I was this grey, shadow, see-through person having lost myself years ago, that isn’t that hard bit.  The hard bit is saying how far I’ve come to this point in time, it’s like, I’ve done nothing special to get here, only done what you said, followed the things I love to do, that’s no biggy is it?  So then, if that’s true, why the fucking hell haven’t I done it already?  What has been the difference this time?  The want was there, the wishing and the trying…………

It is the accountability, the group of fantastic, awesome women I now associate with who make me feel just as invincible and awesome as they all are. I’ve watched them grow, step by step they have taken themselves on a journey and are now achieving their dreams.  Sometimes it’s overwhelming, the things I want to do but I know it’s all possible, I may not reach them by the time I’ve finished my personal coaching but I know I can do it, I just need to push myself out of the comfort zones, yes that’s scary but not life threatening, just uncomfortable but it’s knowing that uncomfortable is great, because you’re stretching yourself to new heights of awesomeness.  Something I thought I did before but I really didn’t, I backed off when things got uncomfortable and kidded myself that I’d tried, really pushed it.  Going to Florence made me realise what really going out of your comfort zone means, I’m not sure that I would feel much happier going abroad on my own again now but at least I know I CAN do it if I need/want to and that it isn’t as bad as I thought it was (especially if you go first/business class).  I also now have a measure of how it feels to be out of my comfort zone and equally how good it is when you discover you can do it.

It’s also the mind-set, would I have ever thought I could make a business out of what I love to do, would I have ever built a website, blogged, video, live video, consider I was worthy of having a proper life full of happiness? No, is the answer and nor would I have ever contemplated encouraging someone else to look at what they are doing and consider doing something for themselves and I’ve been doing that too, no I don’t want to be a coach but it’s fun to watch people suddenly do something for themselves and realise some of their dreams. I now do all these things on a daily basis, with true happiness (plus a few frustrated swear words here and there).

I look at people differently 4 months on and yes I will be culling my FB friend list because there are people on there that I haven’t connected with for a long time and I now have new, motivating, inspiring women to move forward with thanks to my coach and her FB groups.  I also intend to have my own FB group of women who want to indulge themselves in creativity, plus I really fancy a long weekend of creativity and indulgence (thinking, massage and champers here ladies) so definitely going to be looking into workshops for next year, if not sooner. I have so many ideas, they are hard to contain so now the only problem I have is trying not to get carried away and get overwhelmed, funny how one thought leads to another and another……….

I could go on forever telling you about the wonderful realisations and how far I’ve come but I’m too bloody busy JFDI so for now you are just going to have to watch this space! I’m so excited and happy I could burst!

Thoughts of happiness

I’ve been thinking, how do you know if you’re happy, or not? What is your measure?

I spent some time in Cornwall last week with my aunt who has recently lost her husband, so I certainly didn’t expect her to be bouncing around happy as Larry but something she said shocked me and made me realise that a) I’m happier that I thought and b) not everyone else is….yeah I know, I knew that already, about others not being happy but sometimes when you’re in a place of acceptance and your world is fine, you forget that others may not be on your journey.  It’s not that I’m so happy that people can necessarily tell just by looking at me but that I’m living in a good place and doing my best at everything I’m doing and life is absolutely fine, even with bumps in the road.

I may not yet have my business up and running, I may not be financially independent of the corporate job yet but I’m working to get there and I’m further ahead than I’ve ever been before and I have a plan to move forwards, it doesn’t matter where I am on that path I’m moving along.  Everyday I work on my mindset, making sure that I turn negatives into positives, constantly thinking about my business, I listen to motivational cds in the car and read as much as I can, is this what is making my outlook happier? Quite possibly so.

When reflecting further I can see how far I’ve come from the beginning of my coaching, it just isn’t obvious until something happens which makes/allows you to look back.  I thought I’d lost myself when I was married but in reality, it happened more than once, I just lost a little bit more each time it happened. I was talking to my son’s girlfriend over the weekend and I enthusiastically told her about the workshops I ran after my marriage finished and after I took my holistic massage, aromatherapy and reflexology qualifications…I had forgotten about those and the talks I gave to the WI and local diabetic group plus all the workbooks I developed, how had I forgotten? Where had that confidence gone? I even had my own little business which I’d run while working part time, I gave that up when I was made redundant and had to work further away from home, then I’d had people demolish any self-confidence I’d had by questioning my abilities, that’s where I’d become lost again.

How I love and celebrate being different now, I don’t like being predictable, no fun in that; I prefer to keep everyone on their toes not quite knowing how I’m going to be when I get up but at least I’m happier these days, I’m kinder to everyone, including the dogs, if they are irritating me then the kinder I become…wow that really throws people the dogs just accept and enjoy .  Things are just so much easier when you accept/go with the flow and don’t fight the process, I even laugh when things go a bit awry it’s all a learning curve.

Back to my aunt and what she said, her marriage wasn’t the best and although she never wished her husband the worst she wasn’t bereft when he died, it had been a long two years and she nursed him herself, only getting help in the last few months, it was incredibly hard on her, no family nearby and although we all rang several times a week, she was on her own.  I expected her to be lonely, you can’t live with someone for 50 plus years and not miss that company.  I didn’t expect her to tell me that life wasn’t worth it, no she isn’t likely to do anything drastic, she wants to do some travelling and catch-up with family but she feels that her whole life has been a struggle, no fun and if I look at it she’s never had it easy, childhood was hard and being married to a man who built up her confidence only to smack her down when he realised she was stronger than him, she worked while he enjoyed himself and spent the money, she even worked when she was so ill she nearly died.  At no time did she do anything that even remotely can be called fun.  Why didn’t she leave, that’s more complex than I want to go into here but it shocked me that she wasn’t looking forwards to all the things she can now do, yes money is an issue but can be solved with a little bit of manoeuvring, so it also saddened me but did serve to show me that all I could see were positives whereas before I may have agreed with her and become low myself.  I have to acknowledge that I’m in such a different place now.  I’m excited by the future, the possibilities in front of me and even the journey to get there.

I have learnt so much, nothing is going to happen unless you put yourself out there, you cannot sit and just visualise your future, you need to take action on it in order for the Universe to find you and do its bit, never forget ‘thoughts become things’.

So, am I measuring my happiness correctly? It’ll be different to yours I’m sure but possibly doesn’t make it less than yours, just different and next week it could be different again.

The Ritz

Going to London to meet up with the other women from the 6 Week Accelerator Group didn't send me into the same meltdown that Florence did, I had it sussed, booked my ticket a couple of weeks before so I was set....at least I thought I was until I started to think about how I was going to get from King's Cross to the Ritz, I kept telling myself I'd got it sorted until I kind of believed it, but I really had got it. Florence had worked magic on me, confidence was now mine for the taking. I also met one of the other wonderful women at King's Cross and we shared the journey to The Ritz in one of London's famous black cabs.

One things for sure, if you attend one of Stacey Shaw's workshops, you'll not come out the same women as you went in, it's impossible.  To be part of a group of empowered women is awesome, inspiring and you can't help but be changed by the things you learn. Some of my Ahah moments was finding my zone of genius, I'd been majorly stuck with this one but it had been in front of me all along and when I'd laughingly been telling people I was in the zone, I hadn't been kidding, funny what insight can do......Oh sorry, you want to know what my zone of genius is? For me it's when I'm creating, my happy place, where time, food and life just isn't important but whatever I'm creating is too important to walk away from. I'm glad that someone has recognised that creativity isn't something you can just switch on, it arrives suddenly and you want to just go and create, right then because tomorrow you might not feel like it. The corporate world we live in doesn't pamper to creativity and creative people are stifled by corporate, no wonder we are seen as rebels, we're always trying to break free so we can create.

My learnings from Florence

Strangely some of the things I learnt when I went to Florence weren't what I expected, yes the journey there wasn't my best moment (it wasn't my worst either) but I didn't expect it to teach me that I hate travelling cattle class on the plane, no |I'm not being snobby, I simply hate the uncomfortable seats.  I also discovered that I like my comforts (didn't I just learn that with the plane seats?), my hotel was fine, basic but clean and the staff were lovely but I do enjoy those  little extras. When I met my coach Stacey at her hotel, I was a little early and as I sat there it came to me that this was the hotel I should have been staying at and probably was the reason I had intuitively chosen it for my intensive session.

I don't know if its an age thing and that my younger self would have been okay with it all as it was and that it was my older self that was dissatisfied but it doesn't really matter, I have decided that I would rather wait so that I can have what I really want rather than compromise, I'm no longer prepared to 'make do' any longer, I've done that all of my life for one reason or another, but no more, not for this girl.

Going forwards, this is about what I want and sharing that with others in a way that makes me feel good about myself. I've got this gorgeous!

Imagine your future

Don’t waste your money on get rich schemes, they are going to put you in debt and you are not going to be passionate about them and therefore it will be more than just a little hard to even get them started, instead you need to find someone who can talk to you about using your passions to help you make a long sustainable and profitable business, you will be able to use that money to hire a coach who will guide you and more importantly, for you, keep you accountable and motivated when the going gets tough which it will at times.

You need to believe in yourself and know that you will make a difference to so many lives. You have a gift which needs to be shared and that will bring you joy, give you a life purpose, fulfil you and feed your soul, that in turn will keep you well, happy and give you plenty of money for the things you desire.

Believe that you are extraordinary and that you deserve to be happy and have everything that you want, get rid of self-limiting beliefs, use the internet to find people that can help you do this and keep working at it.  You’ve always believed that there was more to life, a purpose, otherwise what’s the point to anyone’s life? You’re right there is but you have to work to get past the conditioning that’s been implanted since birth. It’s all there for the taking and you will find someone who will be able to help you overcome and become the person you truly are.

If you haven’t already, learn to love yourself, accept yourself for who you are, this is so important.

When that moment comes, just fucking do it! 

What I would say to me 10 years past

So life just lately hasn’t been a bed of roses, more like a bed of thorns? Don’t worry, eventually things will begin to change, some of the changes you will like and some of them will be painful but all will bring you to the same point, each thing will help you grow.  Remember that everything to come is not going to be as bad as what you’ve already been through, from this point life is going to get better

You haven’t yet realised what an amazing woman you are, so strong, resilient, intelligent, creative and most of all unusual and that my lovely is your strength.  No you are not ordinary, you have already realised certain truths about life and this will only grow with time.   Keep going, your time is coming, read everything you can get on mind set, don’t throw that course on getting rich mentality away, keep using it as much as you can, it will only help even though you wonder if it does; IT REALLY DOES!  Get rid of those self-limiting beliefs, you deserve everything you want in life, money, happiness and love. Most of all you need to love yourself.

Whatever money comes your way, be careful what you spend it on as most of what you are tempted by will not work for you at present but there will be a moment in the future, and you will know it when you hear/see it, that you will need to take with both hands and move that booty.

I know you hate your job that you’re tired of working day in day out at something that doesn’t inspire you, which does in fact drain your energy, its hateful working with people that just don’t get you and who make it obvious they find you odd, it’s just you’re on a different spiritual level to them don’t let them change you to fit their ideal….I know you don’t but it’s hard and sometimes painful but it’s that which makes you special.

I’m not going to wish you luck because you don’t need it, you are already walking your path you just need to believe in yourself and surround yourself with like-minded people who will help you grow and keep your distance from negative souls, they will only pull you down.

Visualization and Manifesting your desires

I had a bit of a lightbulb moment last night just as I was getting into bed, it was about manifesting your dreams and desires (if you’re not into this sort of thing then you’re probably thinking I’m completely mad, it’s okay you can leave me to it if you’d rather).

I have been working on my vision board (dream board to some), I have all these lovely pictures of what I want and I kind of have pictures in my head but that was as far as I got, once I’d done my task set by my coach, I’d put it to one side.  How did I think this was going to work? That’s what came to me last night, how was the ‘Universe’ going to know what I want and manifest it if I didn’t think about it? So in order to help the Universe along I need to find the time to visualize exactly what it is I want, no vague thoughts but I need to ‘live’ it and by that I mean really imagine that I have whatever it is I want, the texture, smell, colour.

So if what I want is a new house what do I need to imagine? Well do I want brick, wood, white/brown windows, blue/white front door, how many bedrooms, lounge, big kitchen with diner and/or separate dining room? Do I want an Aga, what colour and style of sofa, chairs, open fire or multi-fuel burner, conservatory, snug, swimming pool?

It’s important for me to have a space of my own and I imagine the view from the French windows, which are open and a soft, warm summer breeze is coming through them gently stirring the edges of my silver, grey curtains. I also want a pool room, which is lit with soft blue lighting and a small waterfall in the corner, I can even hear my strokes as I swim through the warm water.

Now the universe understands what it is I’m looking for and that will hopefully help manifest my desire but I need to think about these things everyday which is why I plan on making a new vision board, so it’s more specific but it will only be about the house. The other desires/wants are more singular, I want a particular income so I need to think about that, I want to go on holiday and although I want to go somewhere warm I don’t mind where so happy with whatever comes up.

So if you are trying to manifest your desires they won’t appear out of thin air, or quite how you want unless you put some effort into visualizing what it is you REALLY desire.

 

Mindfulness practice – Take a moment

Yesterday at work we had the junior doctor’s strike and then the IT system decide it would be a great time to crash, which for some of us meant hours of not much to do after we’d cleaned out draws, filing cabinets, done the filing etc and to top that we had a fire alert, good looking firemen aside, it was all a bit of a wash out.  In the midst of madness came a reminder about taking some time for oneself, even 2 minutes, if using technique below gives a huge bonus. I have shared below.

Step 1:  Give yourself permission to do the above

Step 2:  Turn off your phone for 10 minutes (shock horror! But helps protect your attention)

Step 3:  Find a picture of nature that you love

Step 4:  While looking at the image, take 4 slow, deep breaths

              Clench your left hand fist on each inhale, release your left hand fist on each exhale

Step 5:  Now book a 10 minute moment (or less) into your calendar tomorrow.  It must go into your calendar now. It will help you to perform and feel a little better. If you need to you can call it something vague only you will know what it means.

Step 6:  Tomorrow, at the scheduled time, take 4 breaths, go outside or grab a glass of water and catch up with yourself; a valuable and important thing to do

All done

Looking at an image of nature helps sooth the brain

Clenching your left fist helps engage the logical part of your brain – which we need to calm the emotional driven ‘chimp’ part

Conscious breathing helps stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system – helping release calming hormones

Self Care

The most important person is YOU, if you don’t love yourself or don’t care enough about yourself to make sure you come first then it is hard to give to others in a fulfilling way, you may resent the time or things that they demand of you, whereas if you give yourself the time to do the things you love then to give to others becomes so much easier.

Do you sacrifice your time or energy by not doing the things you want to because someone has asked you to babysit, dog sit, drive them to the game, cook their dinner, do their shopping and then do you resent it? wonder why you’re doing it, why you’ve gone without your meal, night out, evening in with a loved one?

For so long I have not loved myself enough to say no to others and I’ve cooked meals and then realised I have done nothing for myself, I’ve given up my sewing time because someone’s asked me to do something for them, I have given so much and had little in return and that has made me resent that person. 

If I’m honest I really don’t want to look after your dog every night while you go off and do your thing, nor do I want to get up early on my days off to let him out and feed him. I don’t want to cook your dinner tonight, I don’t eat anything you do, you’re old enough to do it yourself and to wash up after. I too go out to work full time so why is it any different for you?

I seriously sometimes feel that I’m empty of caring/feeling, I want time and space to do the things I want. If I had more time for myself would I really be happier to give others my time? I can see that it might work because I would be happier and more fulfilled. It’s a bit like the airlines telling you to put on your oxygen mask first and then help your child, without that mask you wouldn’t be able to help many, yes you might help one person but that would be it.

So now I need to create my life……………………….see you back here soon

 

Meltdown

Okay, I have to admit to having a meltdown over my trip to Florence in May, at one time it wouldn’t have bothered me to be going somewhere new, assuming in my youthful arrogance that it would all be sorted and if it wasn’t then I’d sort it out. Now as an adult strange and unwelcome fears dog my every moment, I just couldn’t seem to get past the fact I can’t control what happens once I reach the airport in Pisa. I could have had all the hassle here in the UK by getting a bus/train to Gatwick and flying directly to Florence but do you think I could get the timings right so I wasn’t hanging about somewhere for hours? No, so therefore something you’d think simple suddenly became my nightmare.

I did ask if there were any transfer arrangements I could pay extra for but we were talking £300 plus, I could upgrade hotel and they would come and pick me up from Pisa and return me for my flight out but all of it was extra cost that was way too much for my budget, so there I was feeling panicky and totally out of my comfort zone on every level….pesky coaches, insisting on making you do things!

I was on the verge of contacting my coach to say, forget it! I can’t do this at this point, it’s too much to handle, I feel so uncomfortable, sick and it’s brought me to tears, I won’t enjoy it as I will be so stressed. I made a cup of coffee and went and sat in a spare office and sorted out my travel insurance (for the year, no less) by which time I had calmed down a bit and made the decision that I wasn’t going to take the easy, expensive option of getting a private car to pick me up from airport, I am an adult and I can sort out what options there are to get myself to the hotel, even if it is at night. So flight and hotel is booked….now I’m stressing about how I’m going to find fruit for my tea when I arrive….and I wanted to be a raw vegan because?